Letters to Adrian: #1

An innocent victim of your malicious ways

Dear Adrian,

Hello, I am N.H. Goose. I am writing to you about your frequent mauling of me and my friends. These incidents began last January, when you attacked my friend B.(Bacon) Bone. There you were, a savage, huge, monster black as the pit of Tartarus, with gashing, wrenching teeth and savage claws and talons the size of swords. My friend fought bravely and, by the skin of his teeth, survived. Next to fall prey to your malice was my friend P. T. (Purple Tennis) Balls. Then another and another! You were unstoppable! Then, you attacked me. I was just a little milquetoast, mawkish, bystander then. I had done nothing to you.

See? Evil, fiendish, horrendous brute!

But you, you hell-hound, you freakish nightmare, you baby-killer, you didn't care. You mauled me, you tore at me, you bit my tail! And see? Look at the damage you have caused me. My neck has been cut, my stuffing is flying out, and your caretaker--who is as bad, if not worse, than you--has removed my vocal cords! And now he says he cannot find them! My vocal cords are not something to just be lost like a TV remote control!  And this is all because of you. You insolent brute, you wolf, you!
So, you have forced my hand. I am suing you for $100,000 general damages, as well as
$1 million punitive damages. See you in court!
 Regards,
Nearly Headless Goose

How to make an "Eye Popper"

Origami is the art of folding a piece of paper, with no cuts or tears, into a shape. Today I will teach you how to fold an origami "Eye Popper."

The Eye Popper

1) Get a square of six inch origami paper. If it's not origami paper, it's OK; you can just cut a six inch square from a piece of printer paper.
(Note: if you are using printer paper, choose one side to be the bottom side. The bottom side is the side I refer to as "white" below.)
2) With the paper white side up, fold the paper in half along its diagonal. Make sure to crease well after this step. This should create a right triangle.
3) Fold a corner of the right triangle to its top vertex.
4) Flip it over and repeat step 3.
5) Take the result of step 4 and look for a large pocket in the middle. When you see it, flatten it down. It should form into a right triangle with a second layer. This is called a waterbomb base.
 6) Fold the top down until it touches the bottom of the base.
7)  Fold the bottom of step 6 behind step 6 to reach the top of step 6.
8) Fold the bottom of step 7 in front of step 7 to reach the top of step 7. Crease all folds well.
 9) Unfold the whole thing and make sure the paper is white side up.
 10) Take the first crease from the top and pinch it until it sticks up. This is called a mountain crease. (A valley crease is the precise opposite; a crease that sticks down.)
11) Repeat 10) for the other three sides of the paper and flip it over. It should look like a table with short legs.
12) Repeat 10) and 11). It should look like a smaller table with longer legs.
13) Repeat 10) and 11). It should look like a tiny table with long legs.
14) Take step 13) and fold the two legs on one side back and the two legs on the other side back. It should look like a double headed arrow cut in half with a square in the middle.
15) Now, open up the top end of a side of 14). (Note: There are two pockets: One that is white inside and one that isn't. Open up the one that is white inside.)  Push the top in until it lines up with the white ridge inside. This technique is called a inside reverse fold, and is very common in origami.
16) Repeat 15) on the other white-inside end pockets in 14). It should now look like a rectangle cut in half with a square in the middle.
17) Open up a no-white-inside end pocket and squish down the top. The two triangular flaps should be flapped one to each side to form a square. The squashed top's sides should line up with the top sides of the no-white-inside pocket.
18) Repeat 17) on all. It should now look like an irregular hexagon with small shapes inside.
19) Fold the top of the four small squares (Note: There are two on each side) down to form four white squares.

Sound the trumpets! You are now done with the "Eye Popper".

Operation: Take one side's two small squares and use them as holds for your fingers. Squeeze them forward and bam! The "eyes" (the two white squares on the other side) pop! Not so impressive? Well then, take the front side and pinch the top and bottom edges together, and presto! the two "eyes" pop on either side! If you want, you can draw little black dots as pupils for the eyes. Anyway, I hope you enjoy the "Eye Popper."