Letters to Adrian: #1

An innocent victim of your malicious ways

Dear Adrian,

Hello, I am N.H. Goose. I am writing to you about your frequent mauling of me and my friends. These incidents began last January, when you attacked my friend B.(Bacon) Bone. There you were, a savage, huge, monster black as the pit of Tartarus, with gashing, wrenching teeth and savage claws and talons the size of swords. My friend fought bravely and, by the skin of his teeth, survived. Next to fall prey to your malice was my friend P. T. (Purple Tennis) Balls. Then another and another! You were unstoppable! Then, you attacked me. I was just a little milquetoast, mawkish, bystander then. I had done nothing to you.

See? Evil, fiendish, horrendous brute!

But you, you hell-hound, you freakish nightmare, you baby-killer, you didn't care. You mauled me, you tore at me, you bit my tail! And see? Look at the damage you have caused me. My neck has been cut, my stuffing is flying out, and your caretaker--who is as bad, if not worse, than you--has removed my vocal cords! And now he says he cannot find them! My vocal cords are not something to just be lost like a TV remote control!  And this is all because of you. You insolent brute, you wolf, you!
So, you have forced my hand. I am suing you for $100,000 general damages, as well as
$1 million punitive damages. See you in court!
 Regards,
Nearly Headless Goose